When does this all go away? Will it ever?
I know I am asking the impossible. I want something gone that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.
I was in bad shape last night. I couldn't breathe - all I could do was sit there in the dark and cry. The only way that I survived it all was from SKW talking me through it. Panic attacks are no fun but I feel like I have been dealing with them for a couple weeks now.
My family tells me to just move on. They always have - is it really that easy for them? It's not for me. My parents act as if nothing ever happened and I cannot just let it go. I can't just say, "oh well." Only a few of my friends have noticed a change in me. From what - I'm not sure. They're the only ones that know what really went down. They're the only ones showing me support.
The thing of it is that I don't know where I am going from here. I don't know where I want to go. It would be so easy to end it all but that is not something that I really want to do - I know that much. I don't know what I believe - I don't know what any of this means. I don't know what happened to the person I was even one month ago.
I'm lost. I'm alone. I'm scared. I'm hurt. I need someone to save me from myself.
You know... I've been sitting here trying to come up with something awesome to say. But I just don't know the right words I guess...something to make you feel better. I don't what you're going through & it's okay that I don't know & I don't expect you to spill your guts. And I may be the last person you'd talk to but if you ever need anything let me know. Here's my cell # 435.757.0737 Please don't take this as a polite, insincere offer. I mean it, even if you are quite certain I would take it back if you actually told me anything.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have good friends who are there for you. Know that I'm thinking about you.